i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
