we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
