the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
