No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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