So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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