I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
