i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
