my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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