just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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