walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
