4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
