Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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