Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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