he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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