she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Houston, we have a squirter
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
