Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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