He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
