There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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