Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
