So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
