wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
