I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
