I heard we made out
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
