I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
