Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this is an emotional support booty call
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
