You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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