Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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