I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
