the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
