You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
