Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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