it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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