I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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