if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
