I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
