She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
