Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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