Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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