If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
