I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
