AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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