I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
