Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
