now i know why i became what i already was.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just invented taco cereal.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
