Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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