So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
