your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
