It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
