he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
