Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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