It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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