never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am mentally ready for anal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
