Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
