i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
