Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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