Kiss
Puke
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
