why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
