Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
