So drunk its hurt
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
