i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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