Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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