You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
