i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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