i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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