Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
