lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize