i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
