I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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