On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
