I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Green mimosas i think yes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
