I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
