we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We are all done wearing pants today
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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